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Dear Pix,

I don’t really know how to say the things I wanna say. But I guess this message can be summed up in one line: I love you so much Pixie.

I found out that you were pregnant when you posted that picture on facebook. I felt bad at first. I wondered if I was so distant to you and Feesh that you guys didn’t tell me anything. Then again, this is no time for selfish feelings because given your situation (your grandparents), I already had a hunch that this was hard for you. 

I saw sina Anton and Feesha at CTK a few weeks ago and I wondered why you weren’t there. I had a feeling that there must be a problem. Ria just told me earlier that you’re not in good terms with your family right now. I don’t know what really happened but I know it’s not easy to carry emotional baggage on top of carrying a baby. For what it’s worth, so many people love you. And that baby you’re carrying? Marami rin magmamahal sa kaniya. 

I also have a kabarkada in Ateneo who got pregnant when she was around 21. She was telling me about how hard it was especially because at first the father didn’t wanna believe the baby was his. Mahirap talaga yung pinagdadaanan mo ngayon, I guess. Everything starting now will be really difficult but difficulty isn’t sad and hopeless. Difficulty makes you strong, as cliche as that might sound. And difficulty isn’t the absence of love. 

On the other hand… isn’t it amazing what’s happening right now? When I think about you, sometimes I just stop and think, my god. There’s a boy or girl inside of you. That person will grow up, go to school, go to work, meet the love of his or her life. I mean… carrying in you something/someone that is also capable of loving. That’s just stupendous. Pati yung feeling na… hindi mo pa kilala yung baby mahal mo na. Pano kaya yun no? 

I remember when I was in grade 6 and you were in grade 7, we were talking about how we’d like our future boyfriends to propose to us. Your circumstances and mine too have been altered, obviously. How times have changed since then. This doesn’t mean that our dreams were crushed. Maybe the changes that led us to this point showed us other dreams that are beyond ourselves. Maybe where you are right now is exactly where you’re meant to be.

Love you—always and forever,

Tricia

* Just had to share these words from a friend. They’re not only for someone in my situation but for everyone who is going through something difficult, and maybe losing a little faith. This  really Encouraged me, and will encourage me when i start to doubt the path I am in. I love you Patricia B. Raya.